A Halloween Tale - The Life of La Dynasty

The anxious 3^rd year medical student rushed around the corner convincing herself that her next patient interaction would prove to her superiors that she was somewhat competent. Having just ‘mastered’ the English language since her move stateside for her college tenure from the Orient, many English nuances still eluded her comprehension. She stopped mid-knock in front of the hospital door taking one last moment to muster her courage and checked the name of the newborn she was about to examine – L-A-D-Y-N-A-S-T-Y.

She walked into the room and confidently asked, “Is Lady Nasty in this room?”

The tired, annoyed mother quickly retorted, “It’s La Dynasty.”

In that moment of electing to name her baby girl a name so easily misspoken, La Dynasty’s mother had set her on a path that a moniker such as Destiny or Beyonce’ would have not permitted so readily. Though there were some elder family members who would always have a chuckle at La Dynasty’s early birthdays from breaking up her name improperly, children in La Dynasty’s neighborhood wouldn’t have figured the not so cute way to rearrange her name out if it weren’t for their second grade teacher finally teaching them how to spell. While the children agreed to this lesson in order to create legible ransom notes from cutting out the proper letters from magazines and newspapers, they soon realized their God-given right…no, no – duty – to tease their classmate. This teasing was so relentless that it actually pushed La Dynasty’s class to new literary heights. By the end of the second grade, they were writing mocking haiku’s with accompanying ink blow art. Though we can not show the blow art as most of it was destroyed in the year 2021, we will share a sample of the haikus written:

What is that bad smell

Grab the hose and pinch your nose

It’s Lady Nasty

Children can be so cruel.

To go over the tragedy that was La Dynasty’s life in gruesome detail would bring most readers to tears. Suffice it to say the gang rape by her cousins at the tender age of 12 at the family reunion was not something upon which she reflected fondly (however, her auntie’s potato salad always brought her back those little get-togethers). We are going to flash forward to 2021 to the day we all appreciated La Dynasty’s mother lack of foresight or maybe her speckle genius that laid in the naming of her daughter. Lady Nasty had accepted her name to the point of carving her nickname into any jezebel who dare take her corner. Yes, we find our humble protagonist as most people would imagine where she would end up with such name - on a street corner hoping her souring milkshake would still bring some boys to the yard. Now these boys wouldn’t need to pay in cash to get a sample; Lady Nasty was very into meth at the moment as it permitted her to keep ‘lean and mean’ as she put it.

Maybe this ‘lean and mean’ attitude is what allowed her to survive the first wave of the alien invasion of 2021, or possibly being able to call in favors from about half the neighborhood is what lead to her survival. Regardless, she darted between houses avoiding the deathrays while still satisfying her customers whom she now required to pay in meth as any streetwise business women would do with the impending collapse of the economy. Humanity as a whole did not fair well in the ensuing battles against superior weaponry. This required Lady Nasty to travel further to reach her clientele to get her fix. One day as she strolled pass her old street corner and saw some floozy of an alien taking over (actually, it was a sentry guarding at her post, but that didn’t matter to a territory minded Lady Nasty). She leaped into the air, brandishing her syringe of meth, and with a battlecry of, “Oh, bitch, no!” pounced upon the slutty alien. What great last words to end one’s life; however, this was not the end of Lady Nasty, for within seconds the alien started to convulse as the alien’s physiology could not handle the drying effect of the drug. Lady Nasty had discovered why they invaded earth with a simple prick of a needle – our bountiful water supply. Soon, Lady Nasty led a small meth-bearing force and toppled the alien government. After years of drug warfare, humanity prevailed and elected Lady Nasty to be leader of the department of warfare. Many attribute her landslide victory to her slogan of “Oh, bitch, no!” which had come into common use during the war.

That’s what La Dynasty’s future would have held had it not been for that bumbling third year medical student’s mistake. But instead at the insistence of the family, La Dynasty’s mother changed her name to La-Dynasty. This prevented the children from teasing La-Dynasty for at least another five year’s as hyphens are hardly covered in the American education system. As for mankind’s salvation when the aliens decide to invade our little water bowl of a planet in 2021, maybe we will have to entrust our deliverance to the La-A’s (pronounced ‘ La Dash A,’ soft A at the end) of the world. My money is on the aliens this go around because what good ever came from the use of the soft a.