Standing five feet ten inches with dark brown hair. He was a scholar in both poetry and the art of fencing. In fact upon numerous summer vacations to upstate New York as a middle-aged child he would often challenge, and best some of the fencing team at ivy league powerhouse Cornell. Needless to say this left them humiliated but Balty (as he was referred to by his peers) on the other hand - elated.
Between bettering his fencing and waiting for his father to complete the afternoon summer school lectures in remedial Biology, Balty would hone his other skill in poetry. He refused to sit in a tree. He always said, poets who do that &$%* should be struck from the record of life (meaning eradication of course). He preferred it on the ground and that's where his words stirred heavy emotion amongst nearby listeners.
As you might imagine, this is a classic story of a youngster who peaked early in life. With so much passion carrying over to bravado, one could only hope to sustain a modest amount of humility. After an untimely accident while in the eleventh grade, he lost the ability to compete at the two things he did best and was thus reduced to mediocrity.
So goes the story of Baltazaar McRiddle
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Doringham Koluscovich
Nearly the entire decade of the 1980's was a period of industrial amusement for Doringham. He was improsoned to the Russian - Afghanistan armed conflict that lasted nearly 10 years.
Doringham was born to a mother who was from English noble class and a father who was involved in the Siberian energy play at the time. His father spent long swathes of time away from civilization and so when his soon to be wife (then a little girl) came through their small village on the outskirts of Siberia, she was as they say fresh meat to a pack of wolves.
Good news for her was that Carl Koluscovich was the alpha male of the group while also maintaining a reputation as a kind-hearted man. He had a kind heart and this was good for Carla, who was pregnant within 24 hours of arriving. Her parents were none too pleased and after several months back in England, they granted her pardon, allowing her to take a journey to live with Carl in Russia.
Several months later, Doringham was born. Blond hair and bright blue eyes, Carla said that he reminded her of the wheat fields near their township of Doringham, England. Hence the name.
As Doringham grew older he became intimately involved in his father's business in the oil patch. Having a mind of a Chess Grandmaster as many Russians do, he began thinking on a larger scale about risk management and price controls in the energy market. He proposed a new position within his father's company as an oil trader. His job was to invest company money and profit from fluctuations in the oil market.
Doringham was on the ground floor of a now $600 trillion market we now refer to as derivatives. Anyhow, his canny for the market and ability to cast all emotion aside allowed him to become one of the wealthiest men in Siberia under the age of 40 in theory. The issue was that in Russia at this time, the wealthier you were the more money they take from you, so Doringham's effective income tax rate paid to the Communist state was nearly 78% of his annual wages.
On his forty second birthday, Carl had enough of the business and of the political system. He quit. He did not need the money so he took up wood-working to help pass the time. One night he was approached by members of the Russian Civil Guard regarding a position in the country's military.
Given his talents with wood, the army wanted Doringham to make prosthetic arms and legs from wood. This would provide wounded soldiers with the proper appendages to help fight on.
He declined the offer, only to have several armed soldiers return to his workshop the following night and force him into indentured servitude. They said that with all the money he was able to make in his life as a Russian citizen, he owed it to his countrymen to support their cause.
Doringham spent the next 8 years building prosthetics and died of a highly venomous spider bite in the Afghani desert at the age of 51.
The end.
Doringham was born to a mother who was from English noble class and a father who was involved in the Siberian energy play at the time. His father spent long swathes of time away from civilization and so when his soon to be wife (then a little girl) came through their small village on the outskirts of Siberia, she was as they say fresh meat to a pack of wolves.
Good news for her was that Carl Koluscovich was the alpha male of the group while also maintaining a reputation as a kind-hearted man. He had a kind heart and this was good for Carla, who was pregnant within 24 hours of arriving. Her parents were none too pleased and after several months back in England, they granted her pardon, allowing her to take a journey to live with Carl in Russia.
Several months later, Doringham was born. Blond hair and bright blue eyes, Carla said that he reminded her of the wheat fields near their township of Doringham, England. Hence the name.
As Doringham grew older he became intimately involved in his father's business in the oil patch. Having a mind of a Chess Grandmaster as many Russians do, he began thinking on a larger scale about risk management and price controls in the energy market. He proposed a new position within his father's company as an oil trader. His job was to invest company money and profit from fluctuations in the oil market.
Doringham was on the ground floor of a now $600 trillion market we now refer to as derivatives. Anyhow, his canny for the market and ability to cast all emotion aside allowed him to become one of the wealthiest men in Siberia under the age of 40 in theory. The issue was that in Russia at this time, the wealthier you were the more money they take from you, so Doringham's effective income tax rate paid to the Communist state was nearly 78% of his annual wages.
On his forty second birthday, Carl had enough of the business and of the political system. He quit. He did not need the money so he took up wood-working to help pass the time. One night he was approached by members of the Russian Civil Guard regarding a position in the country's military.
Given his talents with wood, the army wanted Doringham to make prosthetic arms and legs from wood. This would provide wounded soldiers with the proper appendages to help fight on.
He declined the offer, only to have several armed soldiers return to his workshop the following night and force him into indentured servitude. They said that with all the money he was able to make in his life as a Russian citizen, he owed it to his countrymen to support their cause.
Doringham spent the next 8 years building prosthetics and died of a highly venomous spider bite in the Afghani desert at the age of 51.
The end.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Craverton Shelly M.D. - Humble Beginnings
Craverton has flexed his wisdom in the medical field despite originating from uncommon roots. He was born and raised in Fourchon, Louisiana, born with a twin brother who could not survive a complicated birthing process. His mother and father, Jillian and Rory, soon focused immense effort on nurturing the young Craverton given this family crisis. For many, tragedy must really hit home to focus the mind and efforts on what is truly important in life, Rory later quoted in his journal.
Jillian was a day-laborer for a local seafood operating plant as so many of the locals were. This job provided the necessary flexibility in schedule to allow for Craverton’s care-taking given Rory had a higher paying, but back-breaking profession as a roustabout on an oil rig several miles off the Louisiana coast.
In the afternoons and evenings, generally it was just Craverton and Jillian tending to the house. This gave them plenty of time to build their eternal bond, and provided Jillian with an absorptive young mind to influence in the ways of the natural sciences. While for many, understanding the natural sciences could be a struggle, for the locals, and especially for Jillian, whose father was a marine biologist, understanding the way nature interacts was well - second nature.
Craverton soon lost interest in almost any other subject and occasionally skipped class to join his mother at her place of work to learn more about the inner-workings of much of the sea life she came into contact with daily. On her lunch break, they would spend time dissecting and analyzing crawfish (crawdads for you non-locals). Little did he know, this seemingly fun but innocent activity would have far reaching implications to young Craverton’s future in the medical field.
In the late summer, there was a hurricane offshore that was cause for emergency given Rory’s profession and physical location. He was unable to make it in as the weather grew far too treacherous to travel. This storm took the lives of seven men that night as rigging from atop the deck came crashing down in the early hours of the morning. In a valiant effort to secure the tools, several of the men were swept overboard, their bodies never recovered.
Fortunately, the life insurance Rory had taken on his life provided Jillian with enough money to quit her job and dedicate her future to helping Craverton explore his dreams and talents.
Craverton received numerous awards for discoveries made during his High School years. His most famous discovery was an organic compound made from the crushed remains of oyster shells, that when combined with a variety of other natural elements created a facial cream that would allow a 50 year-old woman look like she was nearly 20.
He applied to a number of graduate schools to study Medicine and specialize in Bio-Chemical Engineering. Despite several offers, he eventually arrived at Vanderbilt University primarily because of his passion for country music and four seasons. Despite loving his origins in South Louisiana, he knew that the orange leaves in Fall and the crisp Spring air would bring delight to both he and his mother.
The rest is history.
Jillian was a day-laborer for a local seafood operating plant as so many of the locals were. This job provided the necessary flexibility in schedule to allow for Craverton’s care-taking given Rory had a higher paying, but back-breaking profession as a roustabout on an oil rig several miles off the Louisiana coast.
In the afternoons and evenings, generally it was just Craverton and Jillian tending to the house. This gave them plenty of time to build their eternal bond, and provided Jillian with an absorptive young mind to influence in the ways of the natural sciences. While for many, understanding the natural sciences could be a struggle, for the locals, and especially for Jillian, whose father was a marine biologist, understanding the way nature interacts was well - second nature.
Craverton soon lost interest in almost any other subject and occasionally skipped class to join his mother at her place of work to learn more about the inner-workings of much of the sea life she came into contact with daily. On her lunch break, they would spend time dissecting and analyzing crawfish (crawdads for you non-locals). Little did he know, this seemingly fun but innocent activity would have far reaching implications to young Craverton’s future in the medical field.
In the late summer, there was a hurricane offshore that was cause for emergency given Rory’s profession and physical location. He was unable to make it in as the weather grew far too treacherous to travel. This storm took the lives of seven men that night as rigging from atop the deck came crashing down in the early hours of the morning. In a valiant effort to secure the tools, several of the men were swept overboard, their bodies never recovered.
Fortunately, the life insurance Rory had taken on his life provided Jillian with enough money to quit her job and dedicate her future to helping Craverton explore his dreams and talents.
Craverton received numerous awards for discoveries made during his High School years. His most famous discovery was an organic compound made from the crushed remains of oyster shells, that when combined with a variety of other natural elements created a facial cream that would allow a 50 year-old woman look like she was nearly 20.
He applied to a number of graduate schools to study Medicine and specialize in Bio-Chemical Engineering. Despite several offers, he eventually arrived at Vanderbilt University primarily because of his passion for country music and four seasons. Despite loving his origins in South Louisiana, he knew that the orange leaves in Fall and the crisp Spring air would bring delight to both he and his mother.
The rest is history.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Caprese Buckingheim
Caprese??? Like the Caprice Classic known far and wide across delinquent lower income African American neighborhoods around the country? No, says I. The actual pronunciation is kuh-pre-zee and I am sure you can all figure out the last name. I had to come up with another adequate last name given Stackerson was already claimed by another gentleman I cannot recall.
Anyway, Caprese is the offspring of a Bulgarian harlet and an Italian merchant who made a living in Milan trading various dry goods. While away looking for materials in the dregs of Eastern Europe, they met and spawned Caprese. In order to neutralize the cultural influence of his parents, Caprese moved to the South of France where he lives in a 2 man Coleman tent with aerobed and raises a number of goats to use for his own benefit as milk and meat, not to mention general companionship. He is a huge proponent of monogamy yet has not found the right lass to wrangle into his eternal clutch. He also like pistachios and yodeling. While he dreams of becoming a contestant on American Idle, he would gladly settle for a small role in Law & Order.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Post Turkey Day Tribute
The following names make me think of food, which is closely tied to this wonderous holiday we have just celebrated. Enjoy!
1. Rafael Bartellus
2. Tharold Karskadden
3. Josiah Breckinridge
This post is by no means high quality, but merely an icebreaker to the severe drought this blog has suffered in recent weeks.
Viceroy
1. Rafael Bartellus
2. Tharold Karskadden
3. Josiah Breckinridge
This post is by no means high quality, but merely an icebreaker to the severe drought this blog has suffered in recent weeks.
Viceroy
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Trifecta for the Week
The following three names will not have a summary to accompany them. The names are meant for entertainment to the degree that they are even remotely humorous. Much thanks to all recent contributors.
1. Damascus Matterhorn
2. Bartellus Pixelstick
3. Magratten Daggerlee
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